Panning for Diamonds

By: Sandra Lopez

At some point in our lives, we all face the perils of dating. Some set out on the journey before they should. Most start dating in their mid-to-late teens. In very, very rare cases, some aren’t allowed to date until they’re 40. In general, we are all destined to embark on the search to find our life partners sooner or later. (Hopefully, sooner than 40.) In the process of whittling out the good and the bad, we all encounter different experiences with different people. Some experiences are ok while other, not so much.

    Those closest to me know that I haven’t been very lucky in the romance department. I’m sure a lot of you can relate. I give 110% of myself into relationships and fall in wholeheartedly. I always wanted to believe the same would be reciprocated, but after years of analyzing my past life’s misfortunes, it’s pretty evident that it wasn’t the case. For a time, I clung on to memories of the good in those past relationships wishing and praying that at some point the guy would fall in love with me again. Instead, the guy rejected my love every opportunity he could. I can’t help but cringe looking back at the way I put myself out there for someone who didn’t deserve it. If you are anything like me, at this moment of reminiscence your body cues the tears, the hollow pain at the pit of your stomach reemerges, and now your iPod is repeating a new sad and sappy love song. Ugh! It sucks! Blessed be our network of friends who come to our rescue in the nick of time ready and willing to help bring us back to life. I love those girls! Does this sound familiar to you or am I the only loser?

Once, after one of those horrendous heartbreaks, I finally peered my eyes open and came across a great possibility. I met a pretty awesome guy who was gentle with my feelings and was the closest thing to what I had hoped for. It seemed chivalry wasn’t dead after all. He met those qualities the others lacked and I jumped into things quickly to fill a void. Unfortunately, I blew it all to smithereens when the over-analytical part of me took over soon enough and I began to question everything about his splendid behavior. I even compared his sweet gestures to the one’s I had received from the others. I had been so hurt in the past that unknowingly, those experiences would affect my future relationships. Before long, I had concluded that everything about this sweet guy was too good to be true and not at all for me. Slowly, I began inching away from one of the best people I had ever met. In the process, his feelings were hurt. Who would have thought guys had feelings too, huh girls?! How do they handle heartbreak? Do they have their own network of friends in the way we girls do? I can’t picture a group of guys huddled together talking about their romance disappointments with soggy tissues, swollen faces and loads of bonbons. That they feel pain, I’m sure they do.

    Why do we do this to ourselves, Ladies?! Why do we waste time seeking out those horrible guys that hurt us beyond reason and don’t deserve our love? Why do we get carried away with a plan to fix them? Evidently, our only gain is another heartbreak to add to the repertoire we’ve already built. Ironically, when an effortless blessing comes along, we dismiss it.  Even through those terrible heartbreaks, I could never picture myself doing the same to someone else. “I would never hurt someone like that”, I’d boast. Consciously or unconsciously, (I keep trying to convince myself that it was unconsciously) I had paid my pain forward to a gentleman who didn’t deserve it.

    For as long as I can remember our Pastors and Spiritual Mentors have instilled in us to pray arduously for our future partners. Now, I understand why. It was to save ourselves and others from heartbreak. I guess I just liked to learn the hard way. I know I’m not the only one, though. Philippians 2:5 reminds us that “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.” A forgiving, loving and kind mindset. Never do unto others what you wouldn’t want done to you. There is a huge need for us to use our spiritual eyes to decipher the good and the bad. Let’s stop dating mindlessly just to fill the void of being single. 2 Timothy 2:22 tells us to “Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness.”

Much like any major decision in our lives, finding Love is of utmost importance. We should still try harder and harder to focus more on busying ourselves in the things of the Lord instead. It’s just smarter to consume our minds on preparing ourselves on a personal, spiritual and career oriented level. Matthew 6:33 promises, “But seeks first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” And while asking God for the desires of your heart, don’t forget to ask Him for patience as well. He has a sense of humor, our God. I ought to know. God loves our worship and praise so much that, I think He sometimes milks the arrival of our request. Then again, God does understand our need for Love and He’ll make it happen in His time. The point is we need to stop panning for diamonds ourselves and just let God handpick our gems for us.

    There’s hope out there, girls. That one-good-guy made especially for you is out there; he does exist. Chances are, when you meet him you’ll hear hallelujah music and a bright light will beam from the heavens upon him. (Maybe that’s just the way I picture it.) I do have to burst your bubble that he might not be exactly the way you asked for him to be. You know, with a nice smile, colored eyes, great physique, Godly strut, etc. (Maybe that’s just me again.) But he’ll be the closest thing to it. He’ll be faithful to the Lord and will Love Him above all things. He’ll hold down a job and pay his tithes. The icing on the cake will be him treating you with the love, kindness and respect you deserve. How can I be so sure? I’ve met a handful of them and it’s pretty amazing to discover these rare gems. (Shout out to my Youth Pastors if you are reading this.)

    Although the romance department is still a complicated conquest, I try to feed my life with hope that God has the perfect someone saved out there for me. Until then, this eternal romance skeptic will continue to busy her life in the Lord and patiently wait in line like a bird on a wire. 1 Corinthians 13:7 reads, “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.”

So, in lieu of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to propose a toast (preferably with Non-Alcoholic Apple Cider). A toast… to all those diamonds in the rough! To those Good Guys that Love the Lord… those Sweet Boys who treat girls with respect… to those Great Gentlemen that continue to abide by the rules of courtship and open doors, walk on the side of traffic, pay for the meal and aren’t distracted by anything around them when the object of their affection speaks… to the few Great Men whose present testimony proves they will be great boyfriends, husbands and fathers.  To those diamonds in the rough I pray that you stay that Great Godly Man driven by your Love for Him. God promises that through your faithfulness He will gift you with your blessed counterpart. And she’ll be a Godly Woman saved especially for you. We can’t wait to meet you. Cheers!

♥ Shadi