By: Sandra Lopez
At some point in our lives, we all face the perils of dating. Some set out on the journey before they should. Most start dating in their mid-to-late teens. In very, very rare cases, some aren’t allowed to date until they’re 40. In general, we are all destined to embark on the search to find our life partners sooner or later. (Hopefully, sooner than 40.) In the process of whittling out the good and the bad, we all encounter different experiences with different people. Some experiences are ok while other, not so much.
Those closest to me know that I haven’t been very lucky in the romance department. I’m sure a lot of you can relate. I give 110% of myself into relationships and fall in wholeheartedly. I always wanted to believe the same would be reciprocated, but after years of analyzing my past life’s misfortunes, it’s pretty evident that it wasn’t the case. For a time, I clung on to memories of the good in those past relationships wishing and praying that at some point the guy would fall in love with me again. Instead, the guy rejected my love every opportunity he could. I can’t help but cringe looking back at the way I put myself out there for someone who didn’t deserve it. If you are anything like me, at this moment of reminiscence your body cues the tears, the hollow pain at the pit of your stomach reemerges, and now your iPod is repeating a new sad and sappy love song. Ugh! It sucks! Blessed be our network of friends who come to our rescue in the nick of time ready and willing to help bring us back to life. I love those girls! Does this sound familiar to you or am I the only loser?
Once, after one of those horrendous heartbreaks, I finally peered my eyes open and came across a great possibility. I met a pretty awesome guy who was gentle with my feelings and was the closest thing to what I had hoped for. It seemed chivalry wasn’t dead after all. He met those qualities the others lacked and I jumped into things quickly to fill a void. Unfortunately, I blew it all to smithereens when the over-analytical part of me took over soon enough and I began to question everything about his splendid behavior. I even compared his sweet gestures to the one’s I had received from the others. I had been so hurt in the past that unknowingly, those experiences would affect my future relationships. Before long, I had concluded that everything about this sweet guy was too good to be true and not at all for me. Slowly, I began inching away from one of the best people I had ever met. In the process, his feelings were hurt. Who would have thought guys had feelings too, huh girls?! How do they handle heartbreak? Do they have their own network of friends in the way we girls do? I can’t picture a group of guys huddled together talking about their romance disappointments with soggy tissues, swollen faces and loads of bonbons. That they feel pain, I’m sure they do.
Why do we do this to ourselves, Ladies?! Why do we waste time seeking out those horrible guys that hurt us beyond reason and don’t deserve our love? Why do we get carried away with a plan to fix them? Evidently, our only gain is another heartbreak to add to the repertoire we’ve already built. Ironically, when an effortless blessing comes along, we dismiss it. Even through those terrible heartbreaks, I could never picture myself doing the same to someone else. “I would never hurt someone like that”, I’d boast. Consciously or unconsciously, (I keep trying to convince myself that it was unconsciously) I had paid my pain forward to a gentleman who didn’t deserve it.
